Happy 2020!
So it’s the end of January, the month that we all seem to want to make big changes. For some, the changes are in diets, exercise, or careers. For others, it’s having the ability to connect and engage successfully with their young child.
We’ve all heard, “Slow and steady wins the race”. I totally agree but it is a little more complicated than that.
Most of the nutrition experts will tell you to change one small thing about your diet, switching out one food for another, one meal a week. If we change too many things at once, we set ourselves up to fail because it’s just too difficult.
The same is true for engagement with our children. Our goals for our children are to change a behavior: to be more social, to get his needs met more independently, to follow a direction, or to play with a toy as it was intended. For any of these behaviors, we must start small.
Suggestions for Starting Small
Before beginning with a task, we must do some research first . . .
I. Observe your child in self play and write down your observations. What’s your child’s favorite toy, task, or activity? (Water play, touching a blanket, opening drawers, dinosaurs, pushing furniture, playing with cars, throwing things) For many young children, their favorite task may not actually be an age-appropriate toy, so don’t focus on that.
II. What does your child find reinforcing? (Read this blog for assistance.) Sometimes it is difficult to find something that is reinforcing. If “alone time” is reinforcing for your child, then write that down.
III. When is the best time of day for your child? (When do you think your child would most likely tolerate something new?) For many children, it’s the morning hours after a meal, but every child is unique, so choose the best time for you and your child.
IV. Take inventory of your toys and consider making some engagement kits. Check out this blog to assist you with making social engagement kits. This will help you organize your toys making the tasks more manageable. You can grab a box, complete a task in 3-5 minutes and then move on to what is reinforcing to your child.
Set up the Environment
Completing a task at the same time of day in the same place, helps create a habit. Children can better tolerate what is expected, familiar, and predictable. The activity doesn’t have to be long, just consistent.
Decide where and when you will have your 3-5 minute engagement time and be consistent. For example, after your child finishes his breakfast, bring the activity to his highchair or table to complete the task before he leaves the table.
Make sure to reinforce your child with one of the activities that you wrote down as a reinforcer for your child. Be sure to label what you are doing. “That’s great, the puzzle is all done, now you can play with your cars.” The reinforcer must be obvious and given directly following the targeted activity.
No Distractions
Make sure that this is a time that you can dedicate to the task when siblings are cared for and you won’t have any other interruptions.
The timing is too long
Don’t be concerned about the timing. If 5 minutes is not doable at the beginning, try 2-3 minutes. Our goal is for a positive outcome, a positive and happy child at the end of the play session. You may want to start with 1 minute. Before you know it, you’ll be completing not only one task but transitioning to 2 or 3. (Remember, slow and steady wins the race!)
Continue to Observe
Children can quickly change what they crave and what they find irritating. Adjust your list of favorite activities and reinforcers as needed.
Reinforce as you Engage
If you find that it is difficult to keep your child’s attention, pair the activity with a sensory input or a tangible. For example, while completing a puzzle, rub your child’s feet or blow some bubbles to get or keep his attention. (You would use these examples only if your child finds these things reinforcing.) These can be faded out gradually as you continue to engage, then using the reinforcers only at the end of the task.